Josh Pointing at Celebrities

There are... other Americans, Jared. Better ones. I assure you.

Working for a film festival has afforded Josh many chance encounters with celebrities of all caliber. Of course, he has squandered almost every single meeting. However, those in which he comes out without having uttered some racial slur or was at least sober enough to speak during, he has managed to destroy any integrity he may have had by posing with respected actors and generally charming people as if he was a mascot on a Big Dawg t-shirt. Here is Jared Harris, star of Benjamin Button, Mad Men, Fringe, and of course the upcoming Sherlock Holmes, a Game of Shadows. Accordingly, Josh has posed with this lauded and much-praised thesbian as if they were attending the same kegger, and Jared and Josh were on the winning team for beer pong.

Side Note: At any time this sentence is read, Josh has played beer pong within the last three days. It was played with either Bud Lite or "Natty Light," (which I am told is an experiment to find out just how little alcohol you can dissolve in a given kind of diseased animal urine and still have it taste damp wood and ass). He lost.

Double Side Note: The first time Josh read the above statement, his first thought was something along the lines of, "Ha! No! We used ________(insert name of unbelievably shitty booze I've never even fucking heard of here).

"Uh huh. Just take the picture. This kid won't stop pointing, and I'm getting uncomfortable."

Brad William Henke was a good sport about this, because even as this small, undeniably ape-like creature is challenging him, he manages to control his "kill-response," and disguise his instinctual threatening teeth-baring as a smile for the civilized members of society around him. Rest assured, however, had Josh tried something like this out in the bush, Brad would have worn his hide as a cape for the next two years.


I like to watch the thin veneer of civilization begin to crack in the faces of men who are challenged by the savagery of others. In the wild, Josh would have been eaten alive by now, his bones used for stew and his skull a goblet to remind others who would forget that pointing is reserved for the chief's family and respected elders alone. It is a sacred right, like the avocado and incest.

But Colin Hanks is holding it together, ever so slightly, even though he knows deep in his soul that if anyone deserves death, it's the monkey to his left.

The fact that his hand is clearly cradling some tail right now is probably helping to stave off the bloodlust to a large degree.

Dark passenger.

If Dexter wasn't smiling around me, I wouldn't be around Dexter. And I... oh my god...



I shit you not, as I was preparing this article, Josh posted another picture of himself pointing at a celebrity. I am dying inside